Los Angeles

Los Angeles enters the narrative as the setting for a formal act of recognition that unexpectedly reopens Romain Gary’s childhood sense of failure. Serving there as French Consul General, he presented Jascha Heifetz with the Grand Cross of the Legion of Honor; the ceremony turned a routine official duty into an involuntary confession about the musical talent Gary believed he had never possessed.

Official Setting

Some thirty years after the years of financial strain recalled in the passage, Gary’s official duties in Los Angeles required him to honor Heifetz. He pinned the Grand Cross on the violinist’s chest and recited the prescribed formula: “Monsieur Jascha Heifetz, in the name of the President of the Republic, and by virtue of the powers conferred upon me, I hereby name you Grand Cross of the Legion of Honor.” The precise public ritual briefly placed Gary in the role of the person conferring distinction on the great musician.

The Past Resurfaces

The encounter carried an older burden. During Gary’s childhood, his mother repeatedly found ways to earn money, while the symbolic beefsteak still appeared punctually before him at noon and he was never seen in Nice either ill-shod or poorly clothed. Gary felt unable to help her and guilty that he had disappointed her as a child prodigy; he never forgave himself for lacking musical genius. Even decades later, the names Menuhin and Heifetz brought a pang of remorse.

The Ceremony’s Unplanned Ending

After completing the formal words, Gary heard himself whisper, with his eyes raised to the ceiling, “I can’t help it, I just didn’t have it in me.” Heifetz showed astonishment and asked, “I beg your pardon, Monsieur le Consul Général?” Gary hastily kissed him on both cheeks, as tradition required, and the ceremony ended. Los Angeles thus frames a sharp contrast: a public honor bestowed on Heifetz becomes the occasion for Gary to acknowledge, in the middle of official protocol, the private inadequacy he had carried since childhood.